Friday, October 28, 2005

Best Political Pandering: A Cocaine Addict Responds

As the French would say, it is to laugh...pandering to idiots will always get you reelected.

"Hi, I'm Chaos and I'm a cocaine addict."
"Welcome, Chaos"
"I've been an addict for so many years I can't even remember living without my cocaine. I used to use a little bit every day, and it wasn't much of a problem. I even used to grow my own coca plants! But over the years I've gradually ramped up my appetite, and I've gotten to the point where I have to rely on many many coke dealers to keep me happy. I've had a lot of bad stuff happen to me because of my cocaine use: my health has gradually gotten worse and I have a lot of trouble just getting through the day. I'm sure more cocaine would help this, so I use even more. The stuff has gotten a lot more expensive lately; it used to be real cheap and some people say that all the good coca fields are played out and one day there might not be any left. A few days ago, one of the major dealers I buy from even said that most of the cheap cocaine is already gone and what's left is expensive and hard to grow. I can't believe this; the idea that there won't be any cocaine someday is just ridiculous, I mean there's always been plenty of cocaine so there always will be, right? I'd rather believe the people who say there's plenty of coke left. When the dealers raise the price of my cocaine, I get really mad. They always say that the market is to blame, that it costs more for them to get it for me, but I don't buy that. I think it's just these greedy coke dealers who are making big profits on addicts like me. When I tell them this, they just laugh and say I should use less cocaine, but how can I? It's not like there's something else I can replace cocaine with, and it's my God-given right to use as much cheap cocaine as I want to, isn't it? My lifestyle isn't negotiable! I've never tried to live without coke; I think it'd be real bad if one day I couldn't get some, or even as much as I want, but I can't stand to even think about it, so I don't. Can anyone help me?"
"No one here can help you, Chaos; you don't realize you have a problem"

1 comment:

Cavalor Epthith said...

I know it is rude to laugh out loud at such an impending disaster as the thought of Americans having to live in the years of $7 a gallon gasoline and the cost of plastics skyrocketing (even at the local Wal-Mart) but as a demon I cannot help it.

A wonderful analogy Ser Chaos you serve the people well. I wonder if anyone in the State Department has noticed how many billions of dollars the Chinese have been spending lately on the deveolpment of coal fuel technology WHILE they spend the money America sends them on oil? Could they be precipitating the swift decline down the Hubbert Peak?
Felicitutdes from the heights of the Black Cathedral!

May you suffer not.
Cavalor Epthith
The Dis Brimstone-Daily Pitchfork
"Hell's leading daily newspaper!"